January 21, 2013

The Truth About Boys

I never had brothers growing up. Though I went to a co-ed school, and saw boys in their natural habitat, I never saw them alone, never saw the way they interacted together when there were no girls present. What do they talk about? I used to wonder. How do they play?

Well, now I have a thirteen year old son who often has group of friends over. And so now I have access to the secret world of the male.

At this very moment I am eavesdropping on my son and seven of his friends. I can say with confidence that now, people, NOW I know what they do.

BOYS (from, er, a backstreet)

  • They yell. They whoop. They jeer. They scream.
  • They play Wii with passion. It can get vicious out there.
  • They make jokes about their testicles. Using the word 'testicle'.
  • They insult each other. Gleefully.
  • They mock each other mercilessly. "Heh heh heh heh heh," they say. With relish.
  • They talk frequently about how awesome they are. "I am AWESOME!" they proclaim.
  • They call each other weird names.
  • They speak in funny accents and with funny voices. Loudly.
  • They use in-jokes, all the time. They quote from school. They quote from YouTube videos. They quote from TV. They bastardize popular song lyrics. And they make up alternatives to Gangnam Style. It never gets old. To them, anyway.
  • They get each others' attention by screaming "GUYS!" at the top of their lungs. No-one listens.
  • They don't bother with niceties. "Put that down!" "Turn that off!" "Somebody press play!" "Shut up Alex". Nobody seems to mind.
  • They say "flippin" a lot.
  • They are very big on sarcasm.
  • They rage quit when something goes wrong. They recover quickly.
  • They threaten each other with violence. On occasion, they follow through.
  • They laugh, about the most ridiculous things. They laugh a lot. It is a beautiful thing.

25 comments:

  1. 13 year old boys aren't too different than 40 year old men...

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  2. I love boys. I desperately wanted to be one when I was growing up - they seemed to have a lot more fun with a lot less angst than girls!

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  3. You are describing the antics in my house this past weekend, and every time the Teens have their friends over (including the "Shut up Alex" bit) - it is exactly as you describe it and my Teens are a few years older than your Teen. Noisy, boisterous, funny and totally lovable :)

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  4. Ahhh, yes. Glad you are surviving the day! And impressed your sample group say "testicles". It's all balls in mine.

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  5. I didn't have a brother either. My son is definitely my biggest learning curve...but he's only 6 so it's all 'willies!' in my house...

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  6. Mine are all *fart* *fart* *fart* - if they aren't joking about it, they're actually doing it!! YUKKK

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  7. My boys are 6 and 3! Thank you for the heads up on what's to come! Sounds awesome! I am stocking up on gin ready to cope with testicle jokes!

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  8. Tick, tick,tick...yes, I am most definitely a boy...

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  9. MUCH less angst. And NO subtext to their conversation.

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  10. Well, we're much more sophisticated u here in Sydney....

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  11. OH yes. I remember the willy stage very well...

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  12. I suspect they waited until they knew I was out of earshot....

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  13. I KNOW!!!!! And 30 and 50 and 60 year old men too, I imagine...

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  14. Since mine is only 1, I have a while to go. But already when he farts he laughs. So I guess I can include all of the above in a bigger sweater body.

    http://iliska-dreams.blogspot.com.au/

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  15. I didn't have brothers growing up either and I love having a son. Mind you they do take some getting used to. My son is 12 years old and I could really identify with your post here Kerri.

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  16. That is so exactly... IT. My fave times with Mr 14 and friends are car rides, we are in the country so often ride share to kids' activities and listening to the conversation in the back seat just cracks me up. All I can do to not say a word because if they thought I was listening the jig would be up.

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  17. My 'almost' 13 year old son gave me a stupid half smile when I read this out to him (I think that means it was spot on) ;-)

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  18. Lol! I look forward (or not? I can't decide) to observing this when my boys are older.
    How much LESS complicated is it than girls though?!

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  19. Yep, that sounds exactly like how my three boys interact with each other everyday, including my four year old who sings "Heeeyyy, you shop at Aldi!" (instead of heyyy, sexy ladies)

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  20. Actually, they sound a lot like thirteen year old GIRLS!

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  21. Kelley @ magnetoboldtooJanuary 28, 2013 at 8:06 PM

    and they never stop growing and never stop eating OMG!

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